I just read comments under an article about suicide. People are so mean. I’m sorry but I’m one person who truly understands the depth of suicide. Someone who commits suicide really isn’t anymore selfish than the ones still living. I know some of you can’t and won’t see that but it’s the truth. When I reflect on where I was as a teenager I can truly understand the heartache and loneliness one feels. Granted something changed in me because I wouldn’t even dream of doing it now. If you were to add in all that has happened within my life to the way I felt as a teen, wow! I would have attempted suicide many many times since. I probably wouldn’t be here.
Yeah I tried to commit suicide 3 times when I was 17. Its not something to brag about but its part of my life. Its part of my story. First time was cutting my wrist but I couldn’t stand the pain. I still have the little scars where I attempted it. Second time I tried to overdose on 48 sleeping pills. I was found and made to puke. Busted all kinds of blood vessels around my eyes from puking so much. Third time, I stuck a gun in my mouth, safety off, bullet in the chamber, pulled the trigger. It didn’t go off. I stared at that gun and cried. Then I just started busting up laughing. I will never forget that day because that day has pushed me forward every single day….that day showed me I got this! I look for the beauty, the light. I found my inner strength and it grows stronger and more stubborn every day.
But don’t think for one damn second I forgot or don’t get that dark, lonely, helpless place one can find themselves in.
Make time for your loved ones. If they ignore you, be persistent. Once they get to a certain point they start shutting people out and start shutting down. Sit in silence with them and stare at the night sky if you don’t know what to say. Just feeling a presence from someone that matters helps a lot. Sometimes helplines won’t help. Sometimes a suicidal person doesn’t want to talk to a stranger. They need compassion and love from the People who matter to them.
People think I am emotional or say too much sometimes….No, I’m just being real. Not everyone will get me, and that is perfectly okay. BUT there are those who understand where I am coming from.
I know both sides of suicide and I understand.
Compassion, respect, love, and your personable time….give a little!