Recollections

Today has been a day of peaceful recollections of life’s little lessons. So I am sharing a few personal thoughts with you without getting too personal in details….

Earlier this week I seen a screen shot shared by a FaceBook friend and liked by someone that I care deeply for. (I almost said “too much for” instead of “deeply for,” but you can never care too much for someone. Sometimes you just give too much of yourself for/to someone.) I was actually upset when I seen the screen shot photo. That screen shot happened to be from a private conversation I had with a friend about men in my life past and present including the person who liked it. Kinda of ironic to say the least. My friend and I are still baffled about how it got on Facebook because he doesn’t even have a Facebook. He hates social media. All we know is it didn’t come from my end because of the send and receive positions of the message and it’s not how my messaging looks anyway. Either which way, I have come to peace with the fact that it is out there because honestly no one knows where it came from and no names were involved to know who it was about or between. Plus it is something that many people do need to read.

I see people complain about not finding someone who see’s them or loves them for who they are but the honest truth is there are plenty of people out there who actually see and love them for every-thing they are. It’s just not who they want to see them or love them. People are too busy looking at what they don’t have instead of what they have right there around them. Some people are too busy looking toward others for the one thing that is missing inside of themselves..I get that. I have been guilty of doing these very same things myself sometimes. If there is one thing I have learned, you can’t help who you love, but you also can’t make people love you. Love is something that just happens and you honestly can’t be mad if someone doesn’t love you back. You just learn to live with it, respect the love you have for them, and let go. When two people love each other, it’s up to them to make it beautiful and lasting.

That brings me to this topic. Quit accepting the new norm. It is only the new norm because people have allowed themselves to lower the bar. QUIT IT! Bring back dates, goodnight kisses at the door, long walks, picnics, getting to know each other on the intimate level. Not sex. You are not sex. Sex has become so impersonal and just something people get and leave. You want to be respected and wanted, show them who you are and get intimate…Raise your bar and make them reach for it again and again.

Men and women need to respect themselves. When they learn to respect and love the person they are, they won’t take less from anyone else. They will just walk away from the negative and look for positive. I have learned that! It feels good.

This week I was told that I was insensitive about someone’s illness and death and how I didn’t care. That actually kinda hurt. If you talk to me about someone’s death please don’t find me insensitive. I’m really not. Losing someone you love hurts. I know this. I try not to say things to people because of a response like this one. I just see life and death different than most. What hurts me about death is the pain I feel and see within others. It’s heartbreaking. It’s truly heartbreaking to see people waste away their own lives because of the loss of a loved one. I truly get the pain of the loss but I see the beauty of the life more. So please don’t find me insensitive if I say it’s just part of life. I see the beauty of living with the love and not within the pain. It’s life and no one is getting out of this thing alive. If I die tomorrow or 30 years from now, I don’t want anyone to waste away in sorrow and pain. I lived, I loved, and hopefully I made a few good marks in this circle of craziness. I think everyone should live like that.

Which brings me to this point. Allowing others actions to bother you is something we are all guilty of. I found myself aggravated today, actually pissed, when I found out my kids, my grandma’s cancer diagnosis and hospital stay, and my bills were being used as an excuse for why someone else couldn’t do things and had no money. I just wanted to blast it all out there, but I calmed down and let it go. I am better than that. I am the only one dealing with my responsibilities, and I know the truth. That is all that matters. I got a life to live that is mine and not theirs.

For the past 3 months I have been enjoying outings and special things with my kids and friends. I have actually had a couple of people say “It must be nice” or “I wish I had all that money to do that kind of shit.” Guess what IT IS NICE…OH AND BY THE WAY MOST OF IT IS FREE SO WHAT IS STOPPING YOU? lmao I love people! bahahaha.
If you need instructions on how to look up and find free fun things to do I can direct you to those sites. For starters go to travelok.com. They have a great list and there are plenty of events listed in Facebook events. Okay anymore info that is needed just ask.

Dealing with naysayers and judgemental people is getting easier. Like I said, unless you hear it from me or witness it yourself, you know nothing! I am literally working on living a peaceful life the best that I can. I am learning how to forgive myself for allowing all this petty crap to affect my life. I am learning how to unfu*k myself…..oh by the way did I mention how wonderful the book “Unfu*k Yourself” is? I have read that book a few times now. I am human though, so I will still get mad, hurt, aggravated, etc, but I will try not to let it affect my life. That’s the best I can do. I just got the book “Year Of Yes” and will start the “Year of Yes Journal” tomorrow. I know everything I am doing is really inside of me already, but I have found a lot of encouragement and passion in books and writing, and I am expressing life and emotion in the things I create.

So I sit here in recollection of the past events in my life getting a little personal with you wonderful freaks. There is nothing wrong with being real. I am sure there are a few of you that truly get what all I just spelled out. For the rest of you, just move on. Have a most awesome night and enjoy life!

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